Unseen Pain

Before the holiday season slips completely away, I'd like to point out the hidden pain experienced by a person central to Christmas...Mary. Mary is known through-out the world as the mother of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Bible said she was "...blessed among women". But I personally believe she also lived with a great amount of emotional pain...hidden, unseen pain...the kind of pain many of us deal with daily; it can be severely debilitating, as well. Consider the era Mary lived in; a time of very distinct differences between the roles of men and women with women being distinctly subserviant to men. Also, the Jewish religion was very strict, having over 600 laws that were added to the hundreds already included in the laws of Moses!! Mary was not from a wealthy background, either, making a husband an essential part of a woman's very existence. When the angel told her she would conceive a child as a virgin, she thanked God for the honor of bringing the Messiah to Israel...and truly it was an honor above all other honors! But I have no doubt, even though the Bible says very little about her daily life, that Mary's family reacted to her "story" of an angelic message and a virgin pregnancy with the same emotions any family would...shock, panic, anger, embarrassment and maybe fear that she had lost her mind as she continued to stick to her story. If my 14 or 15 year old daughter tried to explain her oregnacy as miraculous, I might even wonder if she were trying to cover for her boyfriend in an immature, illogical way. Whatever the specifics, I have NO DOUBT that this amazing announcement was meet with VERY negative reactions. No wonder her family agreed to let her visit her relative, Elizabeth, for several months. I'm sure they wanted to curtail and delay all the malicious gossip that would surge through their little town like a tidal wave. A scandal like an illegitimate child had the potential to affect her father's income, as people would shun them because of their daughter's immoral behavior. In other words, Mary's family was in a crisi and I cannot imagine the deep hurt Mary experienced as she began to see her oarent's literally "freak-out" over her situation. The tears must have fallen for weeks as they all tried to weather the storm and Mary's joy quickly turned to deep pain. Next, as if things could not possibly get worse...her fiancé Joseph didn't believe her "angel story" either and seriously considered breaking their engagement. You see in that era being engaged or "betrothed" was as legally binding as marriage! He would have had to actually divorce her!! This was surely a devastating experience for this young woman...her own love did not believe her but thought she had betrayed him in the worst possible way! This was also very insulting as his reaction placed her in the category of a loose woman. Remember, this was over 2000 years ago; women were absolutely expected to remain virgins until marriage...to not be was catastrophic...it meant sure disgrace and ruined your chance for any decent marriage proposal. Unlike today, being unmarried left a woman in an unstable situation, having to rely on her father or brothers to take care of her...something they were not required to do and often would allow this fallen woman to languish into prostitution...the lowest if the low! Surely Mary was afraid, as well as crushed by the lack of loving support from Joseph, who KNEW she was a virtuous girl! Well, we know from the Bible that God changed Josrph's mind, and he became a loving husband and father. But I have often wondered how long it took Mary to get over the pain of his initial reaction. These types of wounds can hurt for years...hidden from view, but very painful anyway! As the years progressed, we know very little about Mary's life, but we can know some things for certain based on the societal standards of that era. For example, Jesus would have always been considered a "bastard child" and Mary a promiscuous woman. Respectable matrons would have crossed the street to avoid her and this type of shunning would have been part if her life until death. She would have endured many awkward and unpleasant moments throughout her life. Very few believed her son was the Messiah; most probably ultimately believed Jesus was conceived by Mary and Jiseoh before their marriage. Who can know all the pain and inner turmoil Mary lived with? Many live with deep hidden wounds. Often these scars were undeserved, as we are victimized by others and never given the chance to expose the truth of our situation, while some know their hidden pain is the result of their own poor decisions. Either way...PAIN HURTS!! It is a gigantic comfort for me to know that a righteous Gid rules the universe and that He has not missed a thing. God knows every hurt I have, why I hurt and will hold the "wounder" accountable for damaging me. PAYDAY SOMEDAY!!! And as far as the present is concerned, I have a God who knows all about it that I can cry to and who comforts me with His unconditional unending love! I feel certain Mary knew this...after all, her son was God incarnate...I'm sure He comforted his mother all His life and even spoke to his brother John from the cross about taking care of her! All our hidden hurts are clearly seen and understood by our Heavenly Father...run to Him for relief from the hidden pain!!

Why Me????

You know, I'm often asked why God let my health fail. I even have had friends express that it's "not fair" because I I was such an "active Christian" or something similar. And I'd be lying if I said I never wondered that myself. I know many have found themselves in very hard situations...like a cheating spouse or a job loss leading to a home foreclosure. But, there's one thing I'm learning..."why?" is the wrong question because it implies that we see things from the perspective of an all wise God...which, of course, we don't. Consider the Apostle Paul...writer of many New Testament books and arguably one of the greatest of Christians. He asked the Lord 3 times to remove a serious physical problem; as we all know, the answer was "No" every time, God explaining that His strength would be seen through this problem of Paul's. But I want to point out another time God put Paul in an undeserved difficult time...the time he and Silas visited Phillipi. They were greeted by a demon-possessed fortune teller who openly mocked them. They helped her by casting the demon out of her which infuriated her owners due to lost income. So what happened? Paul and Silas were thrown in a Roman dungeon after they were beaten. A Roman dungeon was a vile, stinking place where they were chained together and their only position was one of sitting on a filthy floor. No care taken of their open wounds; no food or water; no way to notify anyone...all told a VERY unfair response to their kindness toward a pitiful woman. I mean, WHAT WAS GOD THINKING??? I know I would have concluded God didn't care and curled-up into a pity-party. But not those two...they SANG praises to God!!!!! The result! God sent an earthquake that broke their restraints and opened every cell door!!! But no prisoner chose to flee...in fact, the frantic jailer was reassured by Paul that none had escaped. We then are told that all the prisoners were converted, the jailer took them to his home, dressed their wounds and he and his family were all converted. Even the town administrator apologized to them!! And so the "Church at Phillipi" was begun...the only church that Paul, years later in a letter to that growing church (the book of Phillipians), had nothing but praise for!! My, my what an awful thing God "did" to Paul and Silas!! You see, the book of Isaiah tells us that God's ways are NOT our ways; His ways are too high for us to understand. In fact, I'm pretty sure Paul and Silas had no clue what God was doing...they just chose to trust Him and praise HIm during an undeserved hard time! What about it? Can you trust God when He is bringing hard, undeserved circumstances into your life?? No telling what He has in mind...we just have to TRUST HIM not understand Him!

Supply and Need

Boy, I don't know about you, but I often feel like I have way more needs than I do supplies! In fact, most of life can seem that way...not enough money to pay bills, no patience with a demanding boss or needy children. Or how about your mate? Been needing more than you think you'll ever get (or give)? I sometimes feel like a dried up river...I have nothing more to give, yet I still need tons of life-giving water! As you know, my personal struggle is chronic illness and the complex ways it has changed me and my life. But within that larger issue is the very pressing panic (hopelessness, helplessness, despair, fear, anger,etc) that comes from unremitting PAIN! Just like a broken heart overwhelms your mind, body and soul, pain often threatens to swamp and sink my boat. I'm not talking about a sinus headache, either. I mean severe pain that defeats sleeping pills, infusions and even the very powerful narcotic, fentanyl. When my pain ramps up from moderate and moves toward the severe level, I can literally have the compulsion to RUN, because it triggers the "fight or flight" response!
However, my gracious Savior has been teaching me a new principle, lately...the one of need and supply. Often, I see no way to bear the pain, I just endure it as it rips me to shreds. But a verse in Isaiah 45 (v.3) says that God will give me the treasures from secret places so that I can further understand that He is GOD and the only one capable of meeting my needs. In other words, He has the "supply" before I ever even have the "need". God always works like that: He made air before He made a single air breather, water before thirst existed, light before one eye was made and a redemption plan before there was a single human being! I don't mean He's a huge "off" switch for my pain, though I have experienced that many times. What I mean is that He has whatever I need to cope with and rise above the pain...the supply of power to withstand the destructive force of pain. It's just a matter of calling on Him so He can "show me great and mighty things", things that are not temporal but eternal. But I have to choose to call out to Him AND trust Him.
I encourage you to reflect on this truth of the vast supply of ANYTHING you need. My pain and your need is no surprise to God, even if it is to us. He is always ready and willing to meet us at our point of need...after all, He said He'd supply all my needs, so why am I so slow to ask Him to? Well, I intend to learn to have faith in the secret treasures of God's supply...how about you????

Glitter and Shine

You can always tell when someone has been using glitter. You can never quite get it all off of you. I noticed a few tiny specks once on a friend's cheek. Most of the time, they weren't even noticeable, but if she turned her head a certain way, I'd see a tiny glint of light shimmer on her cheek for a second. Occasionally, in bright daylight, I'd really be dazzled by their bright shine and sparkle! It all depended on my point of view.
Seeing the difficulties someone is going through is the same as seeing the glitter's sparkle...it depends on your point of view. I may be shocked to hear someone filed for divorce, whereas, a person closer to the couple may have predicted it. I find living with a painful disease is like that; some friends seem insensitive to my inability to "keep up", for instance. My lack of health is not "glinting" brightly enough for them to notice my problem. Other friends seem to be keenly aware of my situation, as if the "glitter" is always shining brightly to them. I know I have not always seen the pain in the faces of my friends like I feel I should have. Their current "pain" of a child struggling in school or the threat of a home foreclosure or feelings of depression and despair are not obvious to me. Oh, I may be generally aware of their struggle, but I know I have not seen the "glitter shine" like I should have. It seems we often fail one another by our lack of sympathy or lack of true concern. Life is hard for everyone like that. We all NEED pity and help but rarely seem to GIVE pity and help.
But all is not hopeless!! We have a loving God who is full of compassion and tender mercies toward us. He always sees the glint of our glitter!! And He NEVER runs out of patience with us...but, in fact, understands us far better than we understand ourselves! When you feel like no one sees or cares, KNOW that there is an almighty God who does know and care. Run to Him in your time of trouble. You will find that Jesus will always care and will love you unconditionally!

19 dollar Crockpot

Recently I broke one of my old crockpots, so my son dutifully went to Wal-Mart and photographed with his phone the three choices. The first was a sweet black model with cool buttons and digital displays...I immediately wanted it, though it was, of course, the most expensive at $49. The second was chrome with a "warmer" option and locking devices on the lid, all for the reasonable price of $29...Jeff liked it better. Finally, in third place was a plain ole crockpot, looking suspiciously like my old crockpot...for, yep, you guessed it, $19. Sadly, Jeff likes this one the best. We have not resolved this difference looming between us. I'm pushing the $49 model, hoping we'll "compromise" with the $29 one; strangely, Jeff is now saying he thinks the old one is fine with a minor crack in it's crock. Obviously, he's hoping I'll give up the fight and resign myself to the $19 one.
What, you my be thinking, has this got to do with pain and suffering? More than you realize. You see, when I was a young woman...I had an easy life. I was a "pretty girl" with plenty of dates, an education, some talent, a solid family and a great circle of friends. One day, I married my soul-mate, had two fine sons and enjoyed a very satisfying career. I was definitely a $49 crockpot with all the bells and whistles. Fast forward to the age of 39 and a diagnosis of cancer; suddenly, emotional pain, with a threat of serious physical pain, was an uninvited aspect of my golden life. Trouble had come with a capital "C"! I had been down-graded; I was a $29 crockpot...nice, but not anything special! Now, a decade later, I'm clawing to remain a $19 crockpot. You see, my fortieth year was catastrophic...a non- stopping spiral of many physical issues with a very dismal outlook. I am most certainly headed for the cracked crockpot category; in fact, I probably am already there. I don't even remotely resemble the $49 model I used to be...I'm ready for the yard sale.
But, I have to say, my cracked crockpot still works fine; the damage is all exterior, just like me. In fact ,due to a loving, gracious Father, I am learning to put my treasure where it won't decay...learning not to waste my sorrows but let them be tools that God uses to beautify me spiritually...the only eternal part of me! Now, having all of the outward bells and whistles doesn't even appeal to me anymore. They really have no true value...and, come to think of it, I think I will just keep my cracked crockpot...it works just fine! In fact, it bears the "scars" of "suffering"...just like me!
How about it? Are you wasting your sorrows? Or are the battlescars really the proud medals of hard won spiritual lessons? It's your choice, so choose wisely! The outcome of this choice will meet you in eternity either way!

Abused

I heard a very sobering statistic several weeks ago. According to recent and reliable sources, it is estimated that 4 out of 10 girls and 6 out of 10 boys are sexually abused!! So many, many damaged hearts! And since I am part of that statistic, I thought I'd share a little of my story and some thoughts about the resulting damage because, obviously, so many of you will be able to relate to me. Typically, I was first victimized by a relative at the age of 5. Now, I have discovered that this man abused many of the children in his family, and because I lived out of state, my rate of abuse was very low compared to the shocking abuse borne my those living in the same town! It is very disturbing to realize a vast evil lived in my family and went totally unchecked, wreaking havoc in the lives of several of my cousins, and to a lesser extent, my own. Ten years later, I was molested by a naval doctor! I still vividly recall the doctor ordering a very rattled nurse (I had no clue why she seemed so upset and did everything short of defying a superior officer to remain in the room with me) out of the exam room, turning off the lights, snapping the blinds shut and barking to me to, "Strip!". The assault stopped only when he discovered I was a 15 year old virgin. My nurse must have been hovering outside my door, because she was by my side immediately after he left, trying to comfort me and dry my tears. My mother was extremely upset to see me so tearful, but I had absolutely no idea how to tell her what had happened to me because I didn't know! This was 1970...well before the era of Oprah. No one had ever heard of being assaulted by a doctor! Months later I was date-raped by a "friend" who was giving me a ride home after a church activity!! Well, you get the picture, all though that is not even close to the end of my story, but it is enough, hopefully, to give some credibility to my observations.
By now, we all know about sexual abuse, but we still never talk about it! It is still a taboo and still leaves a great deal of shame in it's wake. I know many women; have taught women's Sunday school classes, home Bible studies and years of high school, and can count on my hands the resulting conversations about this issue, in spite of sharing my experiences and offering to listen to anyone, any time. This makes me very sad because I have taught, in one way or another, about 700 women!!! Statistically, that represents almost 200 abuse victims!!! We simply are NOT talking about it and I know it is eating most of us up inside and is contributing to all kinds of relationship issues, migraines, gastro issues, depression and many other chronic problems!!
Finally, I want to hold out HOPE. There is a God in Heaven, and He sees all things and there will be righteous and severe judgment in eternity! Also, this same avenging God, who despises evil, is able to heal the wounds from the abuse! He alone can offer true comfort, peace and a profound sense of safety and security... Someone to absolutely trust, a thing many of us victims find difficult to do. Call upon Him, and let Him show you great and amazing avenues of healing...the kind of complete healing ONLY God could give! Believe me...I know.

Out of Sight

Are you familiar with the Biblical story of Mary, Martha and their brother Lazerus? The story tells of these three good friends of Jesus' who are expecting Him for a visit in the very near future. During this wait, though, Lazerus becomes very I'll, and the sisters immediately send word to Jesus telling Him that their brother is so sick that they're afraid he might die. They urgently ask that He would quickly come to their home and heal their brother. Jesus tells them not to worry...Lazerus won't die. But he does. Eventually the Lord arrives at their home...days after the death. Of course the women tell Jesus that Lazerus wouldn't have died if He had come earlier...as if Jesus didn't know this. I believe what they were really saying is what any of us would say (or at least think)... WHAT TOOK SO LONG???? YOU SAID HE WOULDN'T DIE!!! WHAT IS GOING ON ?!?!?! Well, Jesus goes to the tomb and tells them to open it. They inform Him that this cannot be done because the stench would be intolerable. In other words...FORGET IT!! YOU DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO EVEN GET HERE FOR THE FUNERAL!!! But, evidently, they eventually opened the tomb because Jesus called to his friend Lazerus and he came alive and walked out of his grave!!!
Obviously, this is an amazing story displaying the power of Jesus Christ and demonstrating that He was God in the flesh. But, I'm interested in the story between the lines. To me, this is a story of FAILED FAITH. After all, these two sisters were very close friends of the Lord's and had undoubtedly seen Him perform many miracles. They certainly expected the Lord to heal Lazerus...so what happened to their faith? Probably what happens to our faith when things go from bad to worse...it disappears. Unfortunately, our so called "faith" is not really faith; it's more of a hopeful expectation that everything will be just fine because we prayed about it...except that it isn't fine; in fact, things can sometimes become catastrophic and suddenly our faith is G-O-N-E! Why does our faith fail us? Because it is not solidly vested in the TRUTH (God has everything under His control and things will go His way), but instead is vested in lies (like God is a big blessing machine and I deserve being blessed!).
You know, I want to learn from Mary and Martha's experience and TRUST GOD NO MATTER WHAT...even when things get worse than I ever could have imagined! After all, He is GOD, isn't HE??? Keep trusting Him...no matter what!