Monday, April 23, 2012
I feel I need to update my readers (and I am really glad you stop in and read!) since it has been quite a while since my last post. My on-going health issues have taken a sharp downward path that,frankly, caught me by surprise. I have been in a leg cast for 5 months. It has been AWFUL! My doctor made it abundantly clear that I was not to walk at all except to the bathroom and into his office...with a walker. Enforced sitting is a nightmare...life marches onward as I am frozen in time. My recliner and I are one unit now....not a joyful union. My family has been great, but they have had to reorganize their schedule so I am never alone and take care of my every need. Lots of tears of frustration. I mean, I have my "big-girl" pants on as high as I can pull them and I still act like a blubbering idiot! This cast, by the way, is an all-out effort to save my foot...a very, very scary thought. Next I will be wearing a metal brace and those very attractive orthopedic shoes for a year!! I also got the jolt of my life when my neurologist told me that I could very well end up catherized, on a feeding tube and ventilated eventually if my ivIg infusions don't work. Of course, my insurance company chooses this time to balk at providing those infusions ( $20,000 per month). More blubbering ensues. So, I have been overwhelmed, scared to death, and quite literally speechless at times. I have learned when life swamps your boat, all you focus on is bailing for your life! And that's what I have been doing these last few months...bailing. I will say, though, that I can attest with absolute assurance that Gid is indeed the "high tower" He is called repeatedly in the Psalms...a book I have been hanging at out some lately. Without Him to turn to in the periods of pure terror these last months, I KNOW I would have had a nervous breakdown. Is the outlook still grim? Very. Am I still freaked-out? Absolutely! But when I am, I run to Him, cry to Him and tell my Father all about it. And you know what? Peace emerges and I am calm again until the next big wave swamps me. It's impossible to choose the trial. But we do choose how we go through it. I can choose to have a nervous breakdown or I can choose His peace amid the hurricane. I choose His peace. What about you?