Self-Inflicted

I have been amazed lately at the many insidious ways I manage to hurt myself! I'm not talking about the obvious like lack of sleep or poor nutrition, I mean the ways I weaken myself emotionally and spiritually. I can not believe that I still talk to myself negatively, for example. I KNOW that negative thinking has a direct effect on my mood and an indirect one on my health...but do I stop??? Nooooo!! Even knowing that God's Word tells me that "as a man thinks, so is he" doesn't stop me! It's as if we are dead set on defeating our own selves. Why? Part of the answer is, of course, CHOICE. It may not feel like I am choosing my thoughts, but I am...and choosing to indulge in it, so some of this self destruction is really an easy fix. The question is not, "do I WANT to change?" but "WILL I change?" The other causes of this self- inflicted misery is not as clear. Some is vested in a weak faith...the result of not being in the Word consistently. Another part is the affect of the state of the Body of Christ. Christianity is sooo superficial, and I mean good ole evangelical Christians like me! Honestly, as a whole, we have compromised ourselves into such a weakened, copped-out type of belief that it barely makes a difference in our own lifestyles, much less the secular world! For example, believers look and act like the moral unsaved...we get tattoed, we socially drink, go to any type of entertainment (within the "norm"),curse occasionally, justify lying...need I go on?!!! The state of my own "family" is of no help at all, in fact I find it depressing and sad. No wonder churches are losing members...there are so many that only talk the talk and very, very few who walk the talk. I mean, how many Christians do you know that ever talk of personal holiness? We're all too cowardly to take any real stands for fear of being called judgmental or legalistic. I guess someone ripped the book of James out of the Bible...whose faith is really seen through good works (or attitudes or words or thoughts)? So, I'm not only hurt by this mamby-pamby behavior, but I'm also inflicting weakness and pain on others! What an abysmal mess.
I think I am going to try walking in some truth...maybe then I'll begin to self-heal. After all, "truth" defines God and nothing is more healing than He is...body, mind and spirit!