19 dollar Crockpot

Recently I broke one of my old crockpots, so my son dutifully went to Wal-Mart and photographed with his phone the three choices. The first was a sweet black model with cool buttons and digital displays...I immediately wanted it, though it was, of course, the most expensive at $49. The second was chrome with a "warmer" option and locking devices on the lid, all for the reasonable price of $29...Jeff liked it better. Finally, in third place was a plain ole crockpot, looking suspiciously like my old crockpot...for, yep, you guessed it, $19. Sadly, Jeff likes this one the best. We have not resolved this difference looming between us. I'm pushing the $49 model, hoping we'll "compromise" with the $29 one; strangely, Jeff is now saying he thinks the old one is fine with a minor crack in it's crock. Obviously, he's hoping I'll give up the fight and resign myself to the $19 one.
What, you my be thinking, has this got to do with pain and suffering? More than you realize. You see, when I was a young woman...I had an easy life. I was a "pretty girl" with plenty of dates, an education, some talent, a solid family and a great circle of friends. One day, I married my soul-mate, had two fine sons and enjoyed a very satisfying career. I was definitely a $49 crockpot with all the bells and whistles. Fast forward to the age of 39 and a diagnosis of cancer; suddenly, emotional pain, with a threat of serious physical pain, was an uninvited aspect of my golden life. Trouble had come with a capital "C"! I had been down-graded; I was a $29 crockpot...nice, but not anything special! Now, a decade later, I'm clawing to remain a $19 crockpot. You see, my fortieth year was catastrophic...a non- stopping spiral of many physical issues with a very dismal outlook. I am most certainly headed for the cracked crockpot category; in fact, I probably am already there. I don't even remotely resemble the $49 model I used to be...I'm ready for the yard sale.
But, I have to say, my cracked crockpot still works fine; the damage is all exterior, just like me. In fact ,due to a loving, gracious Father, I am learning to put my treasure where it won't decay...learning not to waste my sorrows but let them be tools that God uses to beautify me spiritually...the only eternal part of me! Now, having all of the outward bells and whistles doesn't even appeal to me anymore. They really have no true value...and, come to think of it, I think I will just keep my cracked crockpot...it works just fine! In fact, it bears the "scars" of "suffering"...just like me!
How about it? Are you wasting your sorrows? Or are the battlescars really the proud medals of hard won spiritual lessons? It's your choice, so choose wisely! The outcome of this choice will meet you in eternity either way!

Abused

I heard a very sobering statistic several weeks ago. According to recent and reliable sources, it is estimated that 4 out of 10 girls and 6 out of 10 boys are sexually abused!! So many, many damaged hearts! And since I am part of that statistic, I thought I'd share a little of my story and some thoughts about the resulting damage because, obviously, so many of you will be able to relate to me. Typically, I was first victimized by a relative at the age of 5. Now, I have discovered that this man abused many of the children in his family, and because I lived out of state, my rate of abuse was very low compared to the shocking abuse borne my those living in the same town! It is very disturbing to realize a vast evil lived in my family and went totally unchecked, wreaking havoc in the lives of several of my cousins, and to a lesser extent, my own. Ten years later, I was molested by a naval doctor! I still vividly recall the doctor ordering a very rattled nurse (I had no clue why she seemed so upset and did everything short of defying a superior officer to remain in the room with me) out of the exam room, turning off the lights, snapping the blinds shut and barking to me to, "Strip!". The assault stopped only when he discovered I was a 15 year old virgin. My nurse must have been hovering outside my door, because she was by my side immediately after he left, trying to comfort me and dry my tears. My mother was extremely upset to see me so tearful, but I had absolutely no idea how to tell her what had happened to me because I didn't know! This was 1970...well before the era of Oprah. No one had ever heard of being assaulted by a doctor! Months later I was date-raped by a "friend" who was giving me a ride home after a church activity!! Well, you get the picture, all though that is not even close to the end of my story, but it is enough, hopefully, to give some credibility to my observations.
By now, we all know about sexual abuse, but we still never talk about it! It is still a taboo and still leaves a great deal of shame in it's wake. I know many women; have taught women's Sunday school classes, home Bible studies and years of high school, and can count on my hands the resulting conversations about this issue, in spite of sharing my experiences and offering to listen to anyone, any time. This makes me very sad because I have taught, in one way or another, about 700 women!!! Statistically, that represents almost 200 abuse victims!!! We simply are NOT talking about it and I know it is eating most of us up inside and is contributing to all kinds of relationship issues, migraines, gastro issues, depression and many other chronic problems!!
Finally, I want to hold out HOPE. There is a God in Heaven, and He sees all things and there will be righteous and severe judgment in eternity! Also, this same avenging God, who despises evil, is able to heal the wounds from the abuse! He alone can offer true comfort, peace and a profound sense of safety and security... Someone to absolutely trust, a thing many of us victims find difficult to do. Call upon Him, and let Him show you great and amazing avenues of healing...the kind of complete healing ONLY God could give! Believe me...I know.

Out of Sight

Are you familiar with the Biblical story of Mary, Martha and their brother Lazerus? The story tells of these three good friends of Jesus' who are expecting Him for a visit in the very near future. During this wait, though, Lazerus becomes very I'll, and the sisters immediately send word to Jesus telling Him that their brother is so sick that they're afraid he might die. They urgently ask that He would quickly come to their home and heal their brother. Jesus tells them not to worry...Lazerus won't die. But he does. Eventually the Lord arrives at their home...days after the death. Of course the women tell Jesus that Lazerus wouldn't have died if He had come earlier...as if Jesus didn't know this. I believe what they were really saying is what any of us would say (or at least think)... WHAT TOOK SO LONG???? YOU SAID HE WOULDN'T DIE!!! WHAT IS GOING ON ?!?!?! Well, Jesus goes to the tomb and tells them to open it. They inform Him that this cannot be done because the stench would be intolerable. In other words...FORGET IT!! YOU DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO EVEN GET HERE FOR THE FUNERAL!!! But, evidently, they eventually opened the tomb because Jesus called to his friend Lazerus and he came alive and walked out of his grave!!!
Obviously, this is an amazing story displaying the power of Jesus Christ and demonstrating that He was God in the flesh. But, I'm interested in the story between the lines. To me, this is a story of FAILED FAITH. After all, these two sisters were very close friends of the Lord's and had undoubtedly seen Him perform many miracles. They certainly expected the Lord to heal Lazerus...so what happened to their faith? Probably what happens to our faith when things go from bad to worse...it disappears. Unfortunately, our so called "faith" is not really faith; it's more of a hopeful expectation that everything will be just fine because we prayed about it...except that it isn't fine; in fact, things can sometimes become catastrophic and suddenly our faith is G-O-N-E! Why does our faith fail us? Because it is not solidly vested in the TRUTH (God has everything under His control and things will go His way), but instead is vested in lies (like God is a big blessing machine and I deserve being blessed!).
You know, I want to learn from Mary and Martha's experience and TRUST GOD NO MATTER WHAT...even when things get worse than I ever could have imagined! After all, He is GOD, isn't HE??? Keep trusting Him...no matter what!

Self-Inflicted

I have been amazed lately at the many insidious ways I manage to hurt myself! I'm not talking about the obvious like lack of sleep or poor nutrition, I mean the ways I weaken myself emotionally and spiritually. I can not believe that I still talk to myself negatively, for example. I KNOW that negative thinking has a direct effect on my mood and an indirect one on my health...but do I stop??? Nooooo!! Even knowing that God's Word tells me that "as a man thinks, so is he" doesn't stop me! It's as if we are dead set on defeating our own selves. Why? Part of the answer is, of course, CHOICE. It may not feel like I am choosing my thoughts, but I am...and choosing to indulge in it, so some of this self destruction is really an easy fix. The question is not, "do I WANT to change?" but "WILL I change?" The other causes of this self- inflicted misery is not as clear. Some is vested in a weak faith...the result of not being in the Word consistently. Another part is the affect of the state of the Body of Christ. Christianity is sooo superficial, and I mean good ole evangelical Christians like me! Honestly, as a whole, we have compromised ourselves into such a weakened, copped-out type of belief that it barely makes a difference in our own lifestyles, much less the secular world! For example, believers look and act like the moral unsaved...we get tattoed, we socially drink, go to any type of entertainment (within the "norm"),curse occasionally, justify lying...need I go on?!!! The state of my own "family" is of no help at all, in fact I find it depressing and sad. No wonder churches are losing members...there are so many that only talk the talk and very, very few who walk the talk. I mean, how many Christians do you know that ever talk of personal holiness? We're all too cowardly to take any real stands for fear of being called judgmental or legalistic. I guess someone ripped the book of James out of the Bible...whose faith is really seen through good works (or attitudes or words or thoughts)? So, I'm not only hurt by this mamby-pamby behavior, but I'm also inflicting weakness and pain on others! What an abysmal mess.
I think I am going to try walking in some truth...maybe then I'll begin to self-heal. After all, "truth" defines God and nothing is more healing than He is...body, mind and spirit!

Solitary Confinement

Suffering has many common aspects no matter what is causing it. All of them are grueling issues that must be endured...hopefully with patience and firm faith that the Lord is right in the middle of it with you! One of the worst aspects to me is the isolation that suffering causes. It's very helpful to talk to someone going through the same trauma, but because we are unique individuals, there are differences in the common experience. Often, though, we might not even know someone going through the pain we are. This loneliness can really cause some major discouragement, in spite of loving friends and family. I often wish I could talk to someone who has C.I.D.P. because my family/friends don't know what a numb hand feels like or the fear of losing the use of your hands, for example, feels like. Sympathy, unfortunately, only goes so far...empathy is much harder to find. And so we really are in solitary confinement with no hope of release.

When I begin to feel those walls press in on me, the only relief I get is in the Lord. Because He is God, He really does "get it". I don't have to go through the total frustration of trying to explain anything to Him. He already knows. Also, He will provide strength to bear it...this I know from experience. Whenever I cry out to Him, I realize later that I am much calmer, less afraid and more able to relax. Don't ask me how this happens...it just does!! Plus, I know He knew I would be going through this way before I did...He is not taken by surprise like I am.

Jesus told us He would be with us always, even until the end of the world. So when I feel like my world is ending and I am alone in my misery...I NEVER am. He is there just like He promised and I am never alone!! Either are you!

Keep pressing on.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

How many times have I wondered how on earth God could claim to love me? What does love have to do with divorce? With home repossession? With sexual molestation? Blinding pain of heart or body??? I've looked into eyes that screamed despair and hopelessness while being asked how God could do this? As I told a dear friend who has been viciously attacked and defamed that it was a valid question to ask, I knew I'd better have a "real" answer. There was a time I would have answered her with some platitude or overworked Bible verse (Romans 8:28 comes to mind) because I couldn't REALLY answer her from my heart...from experience.
During some very bleak, dark times while first grappling with my failing health, I truly wanted to know the answer. From my perspective at that time, God seemed to me to be literally destroying me...how is that love??

But it is. As a Christian, I believe God rules over all...all circumstances, results, actions...ALL. Ultimately, you must determine if God is really GOD...does He rule? If you answer "yes" then EVERYTHING comes from LOVE for the Bible states, "God is love.". But it certainly seems contradictory when really tough things happen. But it still is true...love permeates a Christian's life from God's perspective. The trick is learning to look from His point of view.

Consider Jesus. Called a "bastard" (when that was a major social stigma); had a mere 12 followers that included a traitor; had a failed ministry in three short years and then was unjustly convicted of a capital crime and was tortured to death! Then, to top it all off, Jesus died with sin accounted to Him, not His own, but ours! That meant that God the Father could justly leave his soul in eternal death...that's why Jesus commended His soul to His Father on the cross; it wasn't clear what Eternity held for Him!!! But we know He was resurrected back to a sinless life, and now we can have an eternal, sinless life, too!!! WHY? Because, Jesus went through the black, dark times trusting His Father in all things. And out of that trust in the love of God the Father, untold millions of souls will live eternally with Him. Who could imagine so much failure and tragedy could have such incredible results? Well, I can and I'm learning to absolutely trust the love of God no matter how much "reality" says He doesn't care. Because I know Love has Everything to do with it, Do you?

Keep pressing on!

Been awhile since my last post. Lately, three very dear friends have been grappling with so very serious problems that has had me in a tizzy. One has leukemia which has relapsed, another is on a ventilator fighting for his life and another has lost her home through no fault of her own! I don't know about you, but there are some days that I really long for Heaven. To be with the Lord where noting evil or vile can touch me or my friends would be such a relief! No more worrying or fighting with impossible situations and knowing my family is safe would be wonderful!!
Perhaps that is the biggest blessing God has given us... the surety of eternity where there is no sorrow or pain. It is really a "blessed hope" as the Bible says. So when the waves of your storm are getting high and you're tiring of the fight...look up. Heaven is coming one day, and it will never end! Can't wait; how about you?