Called to Suffer

Sometimes, I think it's never going to end. That this problem is a life long trial, and I just want to scream, "Let it be over!!!". In fact, this very overwhelming feeling had me put a loaded gun to my head some years ago...sobbing that I wanted to die to escape the pain. But, mercifully, I was able to hear the soft, gentle voice of my Savior say, "want you REALLY want is TO LIVE". That completely began to change my perspective...instead of asking God "why?" I began to ask Him "what?". What is the purpose of my suffering? what is God trying to do with my life that, frankly, seemed over to me. Well, I discovered the great and eternal purpose. See if you can discover it in the words of my all time favorite song by Keith Getty:

"Jesus draw me ever nearer as I labor through the storm.
You have called me to this passage and I'll follow though I'm worn.

Jesus guide me through the tempest, keep my spirit staid and sure,
When the midnight mets the morning, let me love you even more

May the treasures of the trial form within me as I go;
And at the end of this long passage, let me leave them at your throne.

May this journey bring a blessing, may I rise on wings of faith.
And at the end of my heart's testing, in your likeness let me wake!"


You see the whole point of my sorrow (and yours) is that God uses it to bring out the traits of Jesus in me... You know the "fruits of the Spirit"... Love, joy peace, gentleness, etc.
With that outcome being developed in us, we are more peaceful, kind etc., and others begin to see Christ in us more and more. It's a win win situation. Does it make my suffering easier; truthfully, no. But more importantly, it gives it great purpose and value so it is really worth it to endure it.

Keep pressing on!

Heart pains

I'm of the strong opinion that emotional is worse than physical discomfort. After all, there's no pill for hurt hearts. When I was recently hurt, I noticed that it actually caused my physical pain to worsen, and I could not turn off my brain! I kept replaying the conversation, stabbing myself over and over again like a never ending emotional suicide. Finally, I just pulled inward and then everyone around me was miserable too.

Looking back over tonight I can say one thing for sure: the power of life and death is truly in the tongue...just like the Bible says. Once words hit the ears of the receiver, it's like a virus or a vitamin to their soul...forever becoming part of them and changing them permanently. It's been very frightening to reflect back on tonight; the words of one person affected five others, though only heard by one. That's just like a contagious disease.

Lesson learned tonight...be VERY careful what you say; you're speaking life or death...not just words.

Keep pressing on!

Take your meds

The last two days have been bizarre! My disease causes lethargy, but this was way beyond that. I felt like I was in a stupor...trying desperately to just stay awake...forget about being alert. To top it off, Jeff had taken off work Friday so we could have a long weekend, go out a little...you know, just play. Well, I could not peel myself out of the recliner for two days. I was frustrated, annoyed and scared. What was going wrong with me now??? Eventually, I realized I had been out of my thyroid med for a week or so; that was what was causing the extreme tiredness. Got the medication, and felt better after one dose. Thank you Lord for my medication!



But the exact same response happens to us spiritually when we fail to take our spiritual medicine.. The Word of God. When we neglect our daily dose our spirits become weak and faithless. The sicknesses of doubt and self-pity infect us and we really start to need our spiritual medicine. After all it is called "Life"! Are you in the blahs lately, fighting to even believe God the Father even cares? RUN TO THE CURE! Just like I have no real understanding how my thyroid med helped me, I don't know how the Word fuels me but it does. Have you had your dose today? If not, read a psalm and hear the Lord's heart toward you.

hangeth thou in there!

1st Grade

Well, today was THE PITS!! I was in a very dark mood; sick of being sick; tired of being tired; OVER IT. Ever been like that? (I see that nodding head). I was absolutely questioning God...calling Him into account and angry that I "had" to suffer. These attitudes prove that I am still a first grade Christian. Chronologically, I'm a 48 year old Christian, but today I behaved like a 1st grader. You see, a truly mature Christian suffers patiently, trusting the Lord's wisdom and love. The Apostle Paul calls it "enduring hardness". One day, when I graduate from the university of Christian life, I will automatically trust Him and doubts will end. After all, you never question one you totally trust. I'm sad to say that I still have far to go in that area...but I intend to get there. What about you? What grade are you in?

Hang in there.